Collections

Collections of work by Xexilia O. Shadows

Eternity Concepts

Solo Exhibition, Art Works Gallery, Richmond, Virginia, USA
2021

About the Collection

Eternity Concepts is my magnum opus; My life’s work. Begun as a web comic in 1999, though I began reading comics in 1990 (Only Archie Comics, Casper the Friendly Ghost, and occasionally sneaking a copy of Tales from the Crypt, as I was not allowed to read comics, because my mother wholeheartedly maintained “Girls do not read comics”, but Archie was sold in grocery stores and as I was often with her, and Archie is so child-safe, it was the sole exception; I also read newspaper comics, four strip comics in the daily paper, each morning as I enjoyed them and it caused my father to give me time to wake up before quizzing me on spelling and math.) I had always draw large illustrations–which my teachers took and tore up–with intricate stories for each one, and each reason for each visual element I added, in my mind. After being bullied for wearing black so often, something that made me feel better as black absorbs UV rays, which I was unknowingly allergic to, I first began making my own four panel, newspaper comics about a girl who actually never dressed in black, but had lots of friends who never made fun of her, turned down offers to play, and had a “will they, won’t they” relationship with a boy too shy to tell her.

My drawings were the only friends I had, and they kept me going. Still, American comics, even Archie, Casper, Tales from the Crypt, were too short of a story telling format for my tastes and desires. The stories I was coming up with, which I kept in two notebooks, a pink one and a blue one, were long format and my peers began noticing them, and asking to borrow the notebooks, with the original drawings, to read them. This was 1996 and caused me great anxiety in making sure I knew who had last borrowed the book, as sometimes someone else saw them reading it and demanded to read it next, and making damn sure no one damaged or destroyed it. By now, kids are always approaching me for any class group project involving art–epsecially kids who were very mean to me otherwise or acted like they had no idea I existed–and some were requesting drawings and removing my name from them to be able to show their friends some fan art and claim they drew; They showed me and bragged about it.

If you wanted to know why all my art here is water marked, as much as I hate it? Now you know.

I was already online in 1996, had discovered websites, and began the school year having spent all summer break inside, learning HTML and making websites with. . .no real content. One day, I looked up “free comics” for something to read–and discovered web comics.

I had a LOT of comics; Well over 200 pages, as my school had a special class just for making comics; Math!*

It turned out free comics–called web comics were a thing–not even a new thing! I was taken–but these were all comics with only a few strips. Most were comics a college student had done for their student paper, and uses the resources of a full scale university, learning how to make websites, graphic design, and having access to equipment like flatbed scanners.
My parents were both computer programmers, but at the time, hand held scanners were the only ones I had ever seen or heard of, very rare, and a huge pain to use. If you did, you had to slowly and perfectly slide the scanner, which was only about five inches wide, over the image. The slightest tremor of your hand would cause the entire image to be thrown off, which you’d learn what felt like twenty minuets later, it did not scan in color, and when you messed up? You had to start all over.
I already knew how to make websites; But my scanner was the issue.

That Christmas, which is three days before my birthday, I asked for what any young nerd would have; A flatbed scanner and a personal printer. I’m not sure if I asked for the printer, but, I got one. Though my parents always made sure not to combine Christmas and my birthday, they explained in this case, this was both.
I was so starstruck by that scanner I did not care.

Yet I still hadn’t found the right format for my stories; Just before the end of 1997, I caught this weird show, with an art style I had never seen before; A cartoon. Something called Sailor Moon and I was fascinated. While cartoons are longer format to begin with, I quickly learned Sailor Moon was originally a comic, but not called a comic nor were books of it called graphic novels, it was something called manga.
A few months later, I was in a mental hospital on a ward for kids my age. I had sought help for the strange things I’d been seeing since I was two, what we now know is epliespy, but when my parents took me to our general doctor. . .they suggested a therapist. Not knowing, when this therapist suggested I go to a “special hospital” and I could be in there a “few days” but I would “get help much faster”–I jumped at it. I didn’t want to wait to find out if whatever this was could get worse; I’d heard of schizophrenia, but I assumed this special hospital would scan my brain and give me a concrete answer. Admittedly, I was 12.
All of this was illegal; I was lied to about the hospital, locked inside, and treated like a criminal. It’s a story unto itself that I won’t continue here, but the thing that motivated me to get out?
Was figuring out what the heck Sailor Moon was.

Being one of the rare few kids with a computer and internet, I learned about Sailor Moon, it’s origins, anime, and manga than my peers.
Finally, I found the right format for Eternity Concepts; I just had to get a lot better at art, writing, planning, pacing, layout, and design!

Because I have OCD, anytime my art improved, I destroyed every page I previously made. I haven’t done that this time, though I was drawing it when I was in extreme pain and seriously close to dying, and most pages make me cringe now–but I won’t let myself do it. Not anymore.
In all that time, I studied art, read excessively, studied literature and the classics, and studied people.
If I wanted honest feedback, I didn’t ask my friends; I asked the kids who kept bullying me–They were confused, but when I explained, they gave me the best feedback.

I spent a decade researching and studying before I began my series again in 2011, releasing it in 2012, but having written the entire 700 page script in 2008 in a solid two month period, working as my own editor, copy writer, everything.

I was given this solo exhibition by surprised by Glenda, the owner of Art Works Gallery, and I honestly wasn’t aware she had even seen my most recent work. Since it was such a shock and I had only four months, I figured what better to make my first solo exhibition to be about and dedicated to but Eternity Concepts? Had any other webcomic ever been the subject of a gallery exhibition, solo or not?

I had no idea, but if it hadn’t, now it had, and it may’ve been the first; It may not.

Pieces from this collection have been showing around the world.


*This is not my joke, it is a variation of a joke told in an interview with a girl making zines in the book, Zine Scene by Francesca Lia Block (One of my hands down favorite Young Adult/YA authors) and Hillary Carlip (Whose other work I’m not familiar with but I love this book.)