Xexilia O. Shadows: About Me
Biographies are always weird to write when it’s you writing your own. Technically, this should be callled the Autobiography, but I suppose no one cares that this section is called the ‘Biography’ instead, so: My name is Xexilia O. Shadows and I’m actually really shy, and feel really awkward making a site all about ME. It feels. . .well, arrogant, but I guess we all feel that way, right? I literally know clinical narcissists who have paid me to write their biographies for the same reason.
So, perhaps this is human.
Regardless, I’ve never felt human; I’ve always felt like an outsider, from childhood on. I guess that’s why I began drawing–I didn’t have any friends, so, I made them. I drew my friends and to me, this was how I played. I continued doing this as I got older and as school provided the same results; Exclusion, isolation. The animals I drew, however, always wanted to talk and play. It turned out to be to my benefit; I couldn’t run, play, or keep up with my peers physically. I was always getting sick, and always not being able to do a lot of things in gym classes, and somehow, being outside, the sun made me sick enough to get sun stroke–and to just make me feel best if I avoided it.

I only felt loved and encouraged by my older sister; She was the only one to be proud of my work. My parents openly discouraged it and pushed me to be a doctor or scientist.
Being such an indoor child, at age 11, over the summer, I taught myself HTML and CSS, and began making websites. By 1999, I had a domain name, and was making Eternity Concepts, my webcomic.
At 23, I was declared disabled–Something I knew was just a mistake, and I’d be fine in no time. I was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder but recently had gone for over six months barely saying a word. I had a string of odd jobs where as much as I tried, I wasn’t physically able to keep up with and eventually left, as I began realizing something was really wrong, which turned out to be a failed organ. . .that had needed help four years prior. I also had PCOS, and endometriosis.
I kept drawing, learning, trying.
I also kept seeing things, and having strange experiences, which, yes, this is a really hard thing to reveal in my biography.
At 28, I hurt my shoulder exercising, which I was doing excessively as my legs felt strangely heavy after having a complete hysterectomy to save my life, since my endometriosis is advanced and treatment resistant, and remains still. This was a symptom of an autoimmune disease–one I’d had all my life. When diagnosed in 2020, I had UCTD–which can remain as it is, go away entirely, or “evolve” into other diseases while still remaining itself. Mine, like Pokemon, had enough experience points in my life to quickly evolve into three more conditions; Hashimoto’s, Fibromyalgia, and Rheumatoid Arthritis. I am currently fighting for treatment.
The injury to my shoulder, despite years of treatments, including repeated physical therapy, chiropractic visits, acupuncture, dry needling, lidocaine injections, serious surgery. . .never stopped. It did, however, begin to spread.
In 2023, my psychiatrist–actually, a second one to do so–told me I was not schizoaffective, saying the most insulting thing I have heard in a long time: “You aren’t weird enough.” I was convinced this doctor was an idiot for this and many other reasons.
In 2026, a minor stomping of my foot caused extreme pain–much like my shoulder, without me realizing. I was diagnosed with Complex Regional Pain Syndrome on my right side, explaining years of pain in my arm and legs. I’d been becoming paralyzed from pain for several years at this point.
We also learned I have epilepsy, and had been having seizures my entire life, which was found and diagnosed in 2023 but my doctor who did the testing never told me. I began medication for the first time in my life, and stopped seeing strange things. My new psychiatrist was also shocked to learn I was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder and frankly stated I did not have the condition.
My therapist of five years kept insisting my seizures were really “dissociative episodes”–which I argued to be this severe, I must have the condition–and as she deliberately tried to talk me out of seeking treatment, among many other reasons, I fired in 2025.
The entire reason I was diagnosed with this in the first place was from having a severe seizure and assuming it was a mental health issue as from age 12, when I first sought treatment for these ‘visions’, my doctor at the time assumed it was mental illness; No other causes were ever entertained or investigated, despite sending me to a “special” hospital to find out and get care. The details from here are a bit dark for a biography and I’m going to opt to not openly disclose this, and many other events, causes, and reasons behind me and my art, as I have been asked to provide trigger warnings and have seen how upset it can make others.
Ultimate Biography for the TL;DR folks; Drawing kept me from giving up, giving in. My sister, who passed away when I was 20, was the only person to encourage me, until I met my fiance, and until I became a gallery resident, discovering the art world loved the work I was so afraid to let someone see.
Biography: The Art
My drawing did not stop. . .sharing my work did. I kept working and studying–in fact, in 2019, I became a resident gallery artist. In 2021, I had my solo exhibition, Eternity Concepts, named after my manga and featuring characters from the series with needing to read it to appreciate them.
I also had been doing freelance writing, having a piece published in the international magazine Paranormal U.K that was carried in brick-and-mortar stores of Barnes and Noble at the time. This continued, along with my fascination for making websites, until the two collided and I began making content for bloggers who didn’t want to actually blog. . .and made them a lot of money. Yes, I was very proud of my work. . .but I was working for someone else and having no time for my own creations.
I admit, I got curious and wanted to try out some methods with SEO that I knew my clients wouldn’t want. . .and admittedly, the biggest challenge I could thing of was somehow, someway. . .using this to promote an artist–any artist, but especially myself. I was terrified of the reactions I was so used to in the 90’s, all happening again. . .but, still. I wanted to try, and I wanted to get weird with it. I began posting on Instagram, after playing with my biography to say more about myself (Much like here.)
That’s when curators began contacting me.
Biography: Today
Today I’m showing my pieces, but unable to attend most of the openings; I use a wheelchair, and. . .I feel very vulnerable in it. I admit I also don’t have the time or means to attend every opening or exhibit, which I do find upsetting at times, as many times I’m showing in places I have always dreamed of going. . .but my pieces are, and that makes me very happy.
I’m still drawing and finishing my second graphic novel of my manga, Eternity Concepts, which I’ll begin releasing after I release the book. Until then, feel free to be part of the mystery.
